The Art of the Open Question
Protecting My Peace in a Divided World
WELLNESS
8/11/20263 min read
I used to treat opposing opinions like an invitation to a battle. Whether it was politics, religion, or simple everyday choices, my immediate instinct was to step into attack-and-defense mode. It felt almost instinctive—as if convincing the other person was necessary to validate my own position or protect my worldview.
Eventually, I realized the hidden cost of those battles: my own mental and emotional energy. Every time I engaged in an ideological tug-of-war, I left the conversation feeling drained, wired, and heavy. I wasn't changing minds; I was simply leaking vital energy.
I recently learned from a very wise person that shifting from "How can you think that?" to "What experiences brought you to that belief?" wasn't about agreeing with them or abandoning my own values. It was an act of emotional alchemy. Asking the open question allowed me to hold space for another person’s origin story without taking on the burden of their beliefs. It became my ultimate boundary—and the secret to protecting my peace.
The Energetic Cost of Attack and Defense
When two opposing views clash in attack mode, intense friction is created. In metaphysical terms, this is pure fire and metal striking together—heat, sparks, and sharp edges.
When I feel compelled to defend my position or dismantle someone else's, (something I've done it many times) my nervous system responds as if I am under attack. I enter a subtle fight-or-flight state.
The truth is, most debates aren't actually about the topic on the surface. They are about the human desire to be heard and validated. When I challenge someone's opinion, they naturally build a higher wall. When I defend mine, I trap myself inside my own fortress. Neither approach creates peace; both exhaust the spirit. It becomes tiresome.
The Power of the Open Question
A client once told me that curiosity is a quiet superpower. It changes the dynamic of a conversation instantly because it removes the pressure to win.
As such, instead of preparing my next counter-argument while the other person is speaking, I will lean back and offer an open inquiry:
"That’s a perspective I don't hear often—what led you to that view?"
"What life experiences shaped the way you see this issue?"
"What is most important to you when you think about this topic?"
When I ask these questions, I hope something remarkable happens. Maybe the tension diffuses. Maybe we are no longer two opposing forces clashing; we become observers seeking to understand the root.
Understanding where someone comes from does not mean I endorse or condone their conclusions. It simply acknowledges that every person’s worldview is a reflection of their history, upbringing, fears, and hopes.
Curiosity as an Energetic Boundary
It's natural to often think of boundaries as walls we build to keep people out. But I like to think an open question acts as a different kind of boundary—a filter.
When I ask "Why?" with open curiosity, I step out of the ring. I am no longer absorbing their emotional charge or trying to shift their stance. In fact, I am giving them the floor to explain their views and opinions, while I remain grounded in my own space. I stop spending emotional capital on arguments that yield no middle ground and I don't have to pretend to agree; I simply honour the fact that they have a different path.
Practicing the Shift in Daily Life
Protecting my peace in a divided world doesn't require isolating myself from people who think differently. It simply requires a shift in my internal posture.
Hence, the next time I feel that familiar rise of heat in my chest and mind—the urge to correct, debate, or defend—I will do my best to pause for a single breath. Remind myself that I do not need to win this moment to be secure in who I am.
Trade the sword of defense for the key of curiosity. Ask the open question, listen to the answer, and hold onto my peace.
With love, xoxo
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